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Florence Living

home : opinions : columns May 22, 2015

7/8/2014 1:18:00 PM
Understanding cats! Really?
Brenda Harrison

If you are a cat lover, you’ve probably pondered what cats think about. Well, somebody figured it out and circulated on the World Wide Web. I have no idea who this cat person is, but here are some of the things that a cat thinks about: I could have sworn I heard the can opener.
Is there something I’m not getting when humans make noise with their mouths?
Why doesn’t the government do something about dogs?
I wonder if Morris really liked 9-Lives, or did he have ulterior motives?
Hmmm ... If dogs serve humans, and humans serve cats, why can’t we cats ever get these stupid dogs to do anything for us?
This looks like a good spot for a nap.
Hey – no kidding, I’m sure that’s the can opener.
Would humans have built a vast and complex civilization of their own if we cats hadn’t given them a reason to invent sofas and can openers in the first place?
If there’s a God, how can He allow neutering?
If that really was the can opener, I’ll play finicky just to let them know who’s boss!
Cat dictionary: Aquarium: interactive television for cats. Cataclysm: any great upheaval in a cat’s life. Catatonic: a feline medicinal drink. Caterpillar: a soft scratching post for a cat. Cat scan: to look for a new cat. Dog: a cat’s device for running practice. Door: something a cat always wants to be on the other side of.

More about cats: Cats are smarter than dogs.
You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
Cats aren’t clean, they’re just covered with cat spit.
Cats don’t hunt seals. They would if they knew what they were and where to find them. But they don’t, so that’s all right.
Cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.
Cats know what we feel. They don’t care, but they know.
Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want.
Dogs have owners. Cats have staff. Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God.

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