DeWitt Column: Whatever you do, don’t be a ‘Sharent,’ Karen
Translating the urban dictionary into a language even old geezers can understand.
When we, my co-worker and I, began this column we had a noble purpose: to bridge the gap between generations, the sexes, and the races, and find some common ground. Yet our language, the very thing that is supposed to unite us, continues to be a hurdle in communication between the young/cool and the older/out of touch, especially when it comes to modern slang.
So as a public service, we have taken many of today’s most popular slang words and attempted to translate them into terms that young and old alike can relate to. In other words, we tried to “break it down” for you geezers. And by geezers, we mean pretty much everyone who grew up before the age of PlayStation and iTunes, apparently. Enjoy.
Hip Young Definition: A word used at the end of a sentence, meant to add emphasis to a point that has been made, as in: “When Jessica accused me of stealing her wallet, I told her I hadn’t touched her dusty little wallet. Periodt!”
Geezer Definition: Something you hope your wife gets soon, because you don’t want any more brats running around, but no matter what your wife says you dang sure ain’t getting a vasectomy!
HD: A phrase that means, “Am I right?” Often used when you want someone to agree with you.
GD: Isn’t that one of the many medications you have to take each morning?
HD: A cold way of dismissing someone annoying, petty, or not worth your time, as in “I don’t have time for your drama today. Bye, Felicia!”
GD: When you tell someone named Felicia goodbye. What else could it mean?
HD: To respond strongly to another person’s comment or criticism, as in “Ashley tried to embarrass Nancy, but Nancy wasn’t having that. She clapped back at her, and it was hilarious.”
GD: My wife slapped me on the buttocks when I got out the shower, and my fat rear end clapped back at her for five minutes. I have got to lose some weight!”
HD: Something great or awesome. Ex: “That new song is so fire!”
GD: What happens every morning after chili night, Indian food night, Mexican night, Cajun night, etc. We will spare the details.
HD: To disrespect or ridicule someone, as in “That was so wrong what Melissa said about Kim’s wig. She threw shade and Kim didn’t even realize it!”
GD: As when the spouse comments on your weight: “If that beer gut gets any bigger, it will be throwing shade at the beach!”
HD: Refers to a person’s sense of style or fashion, as in “Kim’s outfit looks so nice. She got the drip!
GD: Please refer to the previous post about Fire.
HD: A way of saying someone is showing off, as in “I like his suit, but he didn’t have to flex so hard to impress us.”
GD: Something a geezer has to do for five minutes after getting out of the recliner, off the toilet, etc.
HD: Amazing, exciting, or excellent, as in “That concert was so lit!”
GD: Intoxicated or drunk, as in “I was so lit at that party that I kissed my own wife and called her beautiful.”
HD: Meaning you liked or did something secretly, modestly, or quietly, as in “I’m not going to lie, I lowkey liked that food even though it had a weird texture.”
GD: What you hoped that flatulence in church was going to be, but it turned out to be highkey and drowned out the choir. Often happens on a “Fire” morning.
HD: To be bitter, mad, or upset, as in “Jenny didn’t make the cheerleading squad, and she is a little salty about it.”
GD: Every food you like, as in “I can’t eat that because of my high blood pressure, too salty.”
HD: A strong negative reaction against the largest tech companies, or their employees or products.
GD: What happens every time old Dad buys a fancy new fishing rod.
HD: A woman who acts too entitled or more demanding than the norm; also the one who calls the police over trivial matters or asks to speak to the manager every time something doesn’t go her way.
GD: That annoying woman at the doctor’s office who keeps calling you about getting that prostate exam and that colonoscopy, but you plan on putting it off as long as possible, right along with that vasectomy.
HD: A phrase used to indicate that one thinks something is extremely funny, as in “Sue just fell down the stairs while trying to make a TikTok video! I’m dead!”
GD: It means, “It’s my heart! There are two pills in my pocket, a baby aspirin and nitroglycerine. Stick both of them in my mouth now and call 911!”
HD: A parent who frequently uses social media to share photos or other details about their child, often to the embarrassment of the child. Example: “We are so proud that little Timmy is an honors student in college and even has a girlfriend, considering the fact that he is 21 and had never even kissed a girl before!”
GD: Look, I’ve seen that kid eat crayons and boogers, and rub his dirty diaper on the wall, so if the child grows up halfway normal I am going to celebrate and tell everyone, okay!
And did I show you the fish my other kid caught last weekend? That thing was lit. Or was it extra? On fire?
But don’t throw fire. Throw shade.
Michael M. DeWitt, Jr. is an award-winning journalist, columnist and outdoor writer who has been published in South Carolina Wildlife, Sporting Classics, and the author of two books.