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Dead giveaways of motherhood

on Tuesday, 12 May 2015. Posted in Columns, Opinions

Your feet stick to grape jelly on the kitchen floor – and you don’t care.
You can’t find your cell phone, so you ask a friend to call you, and you run around the house madly, following the sound until you locate the phone downstairs in the laundry basket.
Your Facebook posts are about your kid or parenthood.
Popsicles become a food staple.
Your favorite television show is a cartoon.
You’re so desperate for adult conversation that you spill your guts to the telemarketer that calls and he hangs up on you.
You buy cereal with marshmallows in it.
You count the sprinkles on each kid’s cupcake to make sure they’re equal.
You have time to shave only one leg at a time.
You get a chance to take a shower and it is your biggest accomplishment of the day.
You hide in the bathroom to be alone.
Your kid throws up and you catch it.
You do the “mama sway” even when you don’t have a baby in your arms.
Your typical meal is string cheese and a granola bar.
You get up at 5:30 a.m. and you have no time to eat, sleep, drink or go to the bathroom, and yet... you still managed to gain 10 pounds.
Murphy’s Law of Children The later you stay up, the earlier your child will wake up the next morning.
For a child to become clean, something else must become dirty.
Toys multiply to fill any space available.
The longer it takes you to make a meal, the less your child will like it.
Yours is always the only child who doesn’'t behave.
If the shoe fits..it’s expensive.
The surest way to get something done is to tell a child not to do it.
The gooier the food, the more likely it is to end up on the carpet.
Backing the car out of the driveway causes your child to have to go to the bathroom.
The more challenging the child, the more rewarding it is to be a parent.. sometimes.

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